Mentally ill coworker

2021.10.22 09:45 heresyoursigns Mentally ill coworker

Hello all. I am the supervisor of a person we'll call Dave in a mental health adjacent setting. We've worked together for many years and are friends outside of work (mainly because we share many friends and live in the same city). Dave has many personal struggles and since the pandemic began his mental health has become increasingly unstable. I've tried my best to support him but I am a "fixer" by nature and was hoping for outside opinions on what my next step with him should be. Here are some key points on what is happening:
1) I won't share Dave's diagnosis but it heavily impacts his ability to care for patients at our work. So in addition to concerning me on a personal level, this situation overlaps with professional concerns. He has not done anything to put others at risk but I am concerned with the quality of care my patients have. He will not be fired for having a mental illness because he has rights under the ADA.
2) Dave does not own a car. He does not take good care of himself. He is putting himself through school but does not want to continue working in the field he is studying for. His wife is planning on divorcing him. He relies on marijuana and nicotine to get through the day. Some of these things have popped up in the last few months and some of them have been going on for a long time.
3) I have taken steps to connect Dave with mental health professionals outside of our work/ peer group. He is receiving mental health care and medical care now. I have also tried to connect him with resources like an affordable car or a less stressful job but he has not pursued those offers. I feel that the more advice I give him the less I feel I am being heard or understood.
4) Some things that Dave has said and done have strained our friendship and made me uncomfortable so I no longer talk about personal things with him. Right now we have a strictly professional relationship and do not talk outside of work. This is a boundary I've had to put up in the last few days and he seems to understand and respect my decision.
5) I am going through my own personal struggles (feel free to look through my history if you want an idea of them) and seeing my coworker struggle puts a strain on me but trying to fix his situation is a greater strain. I'm worried I have lost sight of the objective situation and I'm doing more harm than good. I plan to continue to distance myself from Dave and offer sympathy and support on a strictly professional level without meddling in his personal problems.
The input I'm looking for is this: has anyone ever dealt with this type of situation before? If not, what are your initial thoughts on how I've handled the situation? I am trying to take the most compassionate and helpful route without developing a codependency or taking on too much of his problems. I'm afraid I let this affect me too much already but that can't be changed. I'd rather try too much than try too little. Help!
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